Hugging, mess and endless happiness: a monologue of a mother of two boys

Motherhood does not have universal rules and ready answers. But there are daily worries, worries, fatigue and moments that fill life with special meaning. On the eve of Mother’s Day, Kristina Spiridonova from Vitebsk, who is raising two sons, told “Znamenka” how she learns to take this role, preserve herself and enjoy what is happening here and now.

- Since childhood I dreamed of a daughter, a little princess in bows, and quiet heart-to-heart conversations. So when I learned during my first pregnancy that I was going to have a boy, I was a little upset. But it was as if life itself suggested that I was destined to be the mother of my sons. My character, inner strength and habit of coping with difficulties are combined with their irrepressible energy. And boys teach me what even the strong sometimes lack: gentleness, patience and kindness.

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- In motherhood, the most difficult thing is not sleepless nights, but trying not to lose yourself. When there are no grandparents nearby, and your husband is often on business trips, almost all the worries fall on you. You know, more than anything, these two little people need you. This is a great happiness, but also a great responsibility. It's an endless life. A walk with two sons is an obstacle course: puddles, slides, scattered toys and sneakers full of sand. The house is waiting for laundry and cleaning, and after a couple of hours everything starts again. This is the daily mother challenge.

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- A separate topic is the diseases of sons. Medical education helps to quickly notice anxiety symptoms and start treatment, but at the same time increases anxiety: the more you know, the more cause for concern you find. Sometimes I don’t consider myself a good mom. It’s hard for me to live in the present day and enjoy the moment when it’s always in my head, “What if...” I'm always worried about my son's future. I remember being pregnant with Makar, taking Matvey, who was about two and a half years old, to speech therapists. In the winter, she climbed with him to the fifth floor of the house without an elevator: her son refused to walk by himself.

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- My boys are very different. Senior, four-year-old Matvey, active, it can be difficult. But he is amazingly sensitive, caring, kind and gentle, always ready to hug or help. Two-year-old Makar is a real little fighter: stubborn, with character, used to getting his way. Sometimes it seems easier to give in than to convince him. But Makar was very lucky with his brother. Matvey can feed him, pet him, hug him, always tries to care. There was almost no jealousy between them. Now the brothers are already playing together, and it’s a little easier for me, although after such games I have to restore order in the house. We have a rule: everything is common. We don’t buy the same toys: everyone chooses what they like, and then the brothers learn to share and negotiate. With clothes about the same: the older one grows up, the younger one wears his things. Sometimes the husband even confuses who he put on, so everything is mixed up. But there is a beauty in this: many brothers really have in common.

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- I am a strict mother – loving, fair, but demanding. Boys quickly feel soft and begin to check the boundaries, so I do not allow permissiveness. My brother and I were raised by our parents. The rules in the family were pretty strict, but the brother said, "No offense, only gratitude." This framework helped to understand what is good and bad. I also try to raise my sons without excesses, but I can maintain order. Clear boundaries give children not only discipline, but also a sense of support: they know that there is an adult nearby who will help and guide.

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- The regime is a real salvation for us. Matvey needs it because of his activity, and we built Makar’s schedule so that the brothers’ daytime sleep coincided and I had time to take a breath. In the evening we go to bed at about nine, in the morning we get up at seven. We must read before bed. I used to offer the book, but now the sons go to the shelf and choose the story. We read it in turn – with mom, then with dad. Our responsibilities are also distributed. Dad is responsible for sports, noisy games and boy entertainment: hide-and-seek, turns, ball and pull-ups. With me, my sons collect puzzles, draw, do prescriptions and develop attention. And, of course, watching hockey is our common passion.

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- At some point, I realized that due to stress and fatigue, I began to eat problems. She said to herself, "Honey, it's time to stop." She began to count calories, but did not give up her favorite foods, just learned to eat them in moderation. This helped to restore the former weight, energy and taste to life. Another outlet was the photograph. I bought the camera while I was pregnant. Now I shoot friends and acquaintances for my soul and personal pleasure. Photography has become my creative refuge, where I can be not only a mother, but also just Christina.

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- Having become a mother, she felt like a daughter in a new way. I have a deep gratitude for my mother: now I understand how difficult it was to raise my brother and me and how much energy she put into our upbringing and education. Mom is very sensitive: if we are sick, she feels as if she is going through it herself. Now I try to take care of her as carefully: I write poems for Mother’s Day, help my father and brother prepare congratulations – men sometimes need to be sent a little. Perhaps, only when you become a mother, you really understand how much love and anxiety lives in a mother’s heart.

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- You know what my kids taught me the most? Patience and faith that all difficulties pass, and behind the dark streak necessarily comes light. They gave me unconditional, unconditional love. For her, you want to wake up at seven in the morning, handle broken knees, disassemble mountains of clothes and restore order among toys. Motherhood can be difficult, but it is in it that I find my strength every day. Being a mother means loving, enduring and starting over again.

shestakevich@sb.by