“Requirements turn relationships into deals.” Borovik - on the criteria for choosing a partner

Some young people have pretty clear requirements for a future partner, from eye color to the income level of their parents. On the air of the talk show “Alone with Borovik” on SBTV, Polina Konoga, a political columnist for SB Belarus Today, and political scientist Vadim Borovik discussed where the line between reasonable criteria for choosing and turning relations into a deal lies. Pauline Konoga said:

- Opening one of the social networks. In recent days, I have come across posts of both girls and guys about their demands on their partner. One guy listed a certain eye color, skin color, height, bad habits, level of education, necessarily a full family, parents in good positions. The same goes for girls: starting at income level and then... It's like we're in a window, you come in and you choose.

In response, Vadim Borovik noted:

- Do you have to be mindless about choosing a partner? The answer is obvious: no. Do you need to have any criteria for assessing a partner in terms of certain characteristics? You do. But there is a healthy approach, and there are excessive demands. For example, a girl is ready to start a family, wants to give birth. What are the healthy requirements for your partner? It should be a responsible person who is willing to make efforts to provide for the family together. And she has to be willing to contribute. What are the excessive requirements? For example, she looks at Instagram and says, "I want a Bentley, a trip to Courchevel, for having a baby, give me one last Porsche." But she lives in illusion.

He stressed that one beautiful appearance is not enough to build a strong relationship:

- There's a question of values. How much this person can be a reliable partner for you, with whom you will go through life and who in a difficult situation will be next to you, will give you a shoulder. Or he'll destroy you, use you all the time. When you ask each other what your nose, car, or wallet should be, it turns the relationship into a bargain. In the deal, people are around, only as long as it is profitable. But it's not family. Family is about supporting each other and being responsible.

Vadim Borovik added that partners should have common values:

- It's important to look one way. After all, the question is not that he had a diploma of a particular university and so on, but that he had sufficient knowledge and worldview that coincides with yours. So that you look one way, you want to grow together and spend time together.

He also urged people to take care of their appearance not to please anyone:

- Your appearance must be dealt with in the context of health to be a healthy person. Excess weight, for example, negatively affects health.

Vadim Borovik summarized:

- When a man makes demands on a particular girl, first of all, he must also meet the requirements. And secondly, I think there should be some kind of human relationship. Not a certain wealth, but an opportunity, the ability to create wealth together, a certain worldview, responsibility, mutual desire. To love is not only to take, it is also to give. And without love, you don't want to give anything to anyone.