What can lead to frank conversations at the festive table

Another classic warned not to talk to little-known people. But our Valeria Markelova is talkative, philologist, communicator, do not feed bread. And that's what the desire to talk led to.

As usual, I had a conversation with someone.

I will say right away that the conversation turned out to be quite complex and ambiguous. But I really want to fix it here for my future thoughts.

Moreover, my interlocutor allowed me to do this after learning that I keep online notes.

We were introduced at a mutual friend's birthday party. We were together because we don’t drink. (I drank my drink in Armenia and went back into my austerity.).

He doesn't drink for health reasons. He's 45, blood pressure is 170, and there's a big hole in the shower.

Shtosh. Romantics and optimists have not sat at my table for a long time. The bottom of a birthday.

I wasn't in the most rosy mood myself, so listening to someone who was worse off was a good thing.

Don’t think that I’m so cynical and selfish (though think what you want), but sometimes other people’s lives are sobering.

No wonder I work in a social network, where almost every day I face someone’s bottom of life.

So, now, my herbal tea drinker is in divorce proceedings.

And by his own admission, he's already regretted 33 times that he'd pulled the whole thing and didn't leave the family sooner.

He and his wife had a child with a disability.

They were told about the terrible diagnosis during pregnancy, so both were ready and decided to give birth to a baby who will never be healthy.

Together they went to doctors, together attended classes of psychologists, together studied literature and consulted with specialists. We gave birth together.

And after the birth, things went awry.

The mess lasted 10 years. And in the end, it resulted in a divorce, which, in fact, did not bring relief to anyone. But living in such constant stress, daily scandals and mutual claims with threats has become impossible.

- Get in the loop! Than another day at home, said my companion, looking at the patterns on the tablecloth.

For 10 years, he had to prove to his wife every day that he was the same parent as her.

And also can care for, take care of her, change diapers, feed from a spoon, go to the doctors, bathe in a bath, put to bed.

But the wife did not allow the child a step.

- You don't understand and you'll ruin it. Thank you for wanting to help, but I'm a mother, I feel our daughter better, and I know what she needs more than anyone else! Don't worry, I'll handle it myself. Your job is to make money.

And he made money. But the more money became in the account, the further he was from his daughter and beloved.

Family psychologist, joint vacation, conversations with parents and best friends, candid conversations in private.

If anything helped convince a caring mother, it was only for a while. And then everything went back to its own laps.

And as you might have guessed, one day he meets one who comforts, sympathizes, supports and gives him everything that is not home.

Honestly admits everything to his wife and goes to hell. With the threat that he won't see his daughter again.

You know, Valeria, I'm just starting to realize that I don't know my daughter at all. I think I'm a father. I don't think so.

I know I don't have to project his story onto me. But I'm projecting. And crying.

Where it's thin, it always breaks.

He extinguishes a little at the sight of my tears, but misinterprets them.

You probably think I don't like my daughter, right? That I'm a bad father and a bad husband? I didn’t pay enough attention to both of them. Yeah, you're right, I couldn't handle all this shit.

He blurted it out with a challenge. I'm sure if men were officially allowed to cry, he'd burst into tears right there at the table, not shy of anyone around him.

Instead of tears, he went deeper into self-flagellation.

How familiar I am with this state of being blamed.

And how well do I know how painful it can be when what seemed eternal collapses before our eyes, and what you do will still not be enough.

I am not a psychologist, but without professional training, I see that a man grieves for the role he was deprived of.

Why in the most critical moment, when you want to somehow support a person, the world lacks the right words!

To convince him that he is not guilty of anything? Saying it's gonna be okay? Shall I tell you that will pass?

It's pointless.

So after listening to his story without asking too many questions, I suggested he go outside and take a little walk in the woods. Fortunately, a friend celebrated his birthday in the countryside.

We both exhaled the accumulated tension into the air, the coolness of which cooled this strange day full of other people's revelations.

They do not need to look for a catch, take sides, condemn or even more so, teach and advise something.

This is just another story from the world of adults who, just like children, still need safety, protection, heartfelt conversation and a cup of herbal tea.

Well, in a glass of wine, so be it. But the truth is out there..