The worst thing is to see disappointment in the eyes of parents. Monologue of convicted drug dealer

As a teenager, Maria tried drugs for the first time. Then she became a mortgagee, then a drug shop administrator. She was soon arrested and sentenced to ten years in prison. She has already served time and returned to a normal rhythm of life: she works, monitors her health, plays sports. However, the consequences of dependence still affect. Listened to her complicated story.

... I started using it when I was 16. I saw what happened to drug addicts I knew after another dose. They behaved strangely: running, twitching. But then they told me what a great feeling they had. At some point I wanted to try it too.

... I remember the sensations after the first dose vaguely. "" I immediately felt relieved, I could see something. And then I fell asleep.

... At first there was no withdrawal, but I wanted to experience the same emotions again. A couple of times I pulled myself together and gave up this habit. But under the influence of the company, she returned.

... I thought I could stop at any time, convinced myself that the situation was under control. Now I understand that dependence formed almost immediately. It felt like drugs were the only way to relax.

... When I started using it, I stopped studying. Skipped classes, aggressively communicated with teachers, and in general became more irritable. Teachers and parents have repeatedly tried to find out the reason for the sudden change in mood, but I kept silent. Then everyone thought it was love that turned my head.

... In the end, I was expelled. From this I felt hopelessness, despair and drowned emotions with substances. I knew I had to make money somehow. Preferably fast and much. So I became a mortgagee, but after a couple of days I was promoted to the administrator of a drug shop. The duties are simple: communicate with customers, check payment and reset the coordinates of the goods. Later, I began to be entrusted with more serious tasks: to oversee the work of mortgagers, order large batches of substances, distribute them and monitor the assortment. I'm not saying I liked doing that. They paid well, and the money was needed.

... A couple of months later, I was detained. At that moment, I fell into a stupor. I honestly wondered how I was found. By the way, law enforcement officers then calculated and detained all employees of the drug shop - about 15 people from 18 to 35 years old.

... For family and friends, this was a shock. No one knew about my “work.” I told everyone I worked remotely. It was scary to know I was going to jail. But it was even worse to see disappointment in the eyes of the parents.

... Full awareness of the situation came when she was behind bars. The detention, the pre-trial detention, the announcement of the verdict - all this passed like a fog. I couldn’t believe this was my new reality.

... Looking back, I think it’s probably good that I was detained. I wouldn't get out of this hole on my own. But for the rescue had to pay ten years of life. During this time, peers managed to build a career, start a family. And I had to start almost from scratch, and even with such a background.

... To compensate for the harm caused to health, will never work. Due to prolonged use, the body was severely damaged. And even the fact that I am now leading a healthy lifestyle does not help much.

... It was not easy to return to normal life after prison. It was difficult to find a job. And when they knew it, they knew it. There were people who really wanted to help and listen. Among them is the senior inspector of the Moscow police department of Minsk Natalia Shevchenko. Thanks to her, I was able to start a new life, find a job.

... I still blame myself for the harm done to drug shoppers. Then I thought, "I'm not guilty of anything." He's addicted and wanted a dose. No one forced him to”. But now I realize that I am also responsible.

... Block and ignore those who suggest trying or selling banned substances. And if you are already on these networks, ask for help. Tell the police everything you know about the drug shop. I didn’t do that at the time and I regret it. And always remember: there is no easy money, no matter how convinced you are to the contrary.

The heroine's name changed.

gardevich@sb.by