Tutta Larsen: conflicts of buzzers and parents arise due to stress

Television and radio host, lecturer of the society “Knowledge” Tutta Larsen at the forum “Parents”. Reset in Kirov expressed the opinion that the differences between young people and their parents are often explained by the unequal perception of difficulties and stresses. Parents, she said, belong to the generation of “ploughers” and “achievers”, so it is difficult for them to understand buzzers who do not want to leave the comfort zone. At the same time, the truth, she believes, lies in the middle: it is sometimes useful for adults to step back and give children space for creativity - for example, to go for a walk or go to the country.

Larsen noted that buzzers have similarities: she called them “porcelain”, quickly fatigued and experiencing difficulties with cause-and-effect relationships. When parents try to help them formulate goals, young people may perceive this as pressure. Larsen herself tries to notice the positive aspects, and accepts strange features with humility.

She recalled that current parents grew up in a different educational system: she herself in childhood was sometimes punished with a belt, and the explanations were often reduced to "grow up - understand" and "the elder knows best." At the same time, her relationship with her parents was trusting, and she does not believe that she grew up very traumatized person. However, with modern children, such methods, in her opinion, do not work. With her first child, she tried to act like her parents, but the pressure, aggression, and manipulation of authority came back boomerang.

Over time, Larsen came to other principles: shouting and demands do not work, but caresses work, explaining the reasons for the ban and offering an alternative. She also conveyed the psychologist's advice: in a conflict, imagine a significant adult in the place of a child - a husband, a boss or a mother - and then the communication changes. According to her, there is no special “childish” communication: there is respectful and trusting communication with love and attention or pressure, rudeness, manipulation, lies and aggression.

The lecturer urged parents to trust their children more: breathe a little, relax and recognize that young people are wiser, more flexible and more enduring than they seem. In the topic of career guidance, she advised not to dwell on assessments, exam and choice of university, but to see the child as a person. Career guidance, Larsen stressed, is associated not so much with the choice of work as with the search for a vocation. Children should be given the opportunity to try themselves in different environments and formats, since it is impossible to predict the professions in demand even for five years ahead. In the future, in her opinion, people with a strong nervous system, a personality nucleus, high intelligence, critical thinking and empathy are fully realized.

As for the exam, Larsen believes that parents should not create additional stress around it: the exam is important, but it is only one of many stages. She recalled that puberty itself is a huge stress, teenagers are afraid and hard, and their behavior is not always explained by the desire to upset adults. Finally, she advised her parents to exhale and drink magnesium.

Parent forum. The reboot took place on November 7 in Kirov. It was organized by the society “Knowledge” and Rosdetcentr with the support of the Ministry of Education of Russia. Participants discussed trusting relationships